Photographer gay wedding

As a straight, cisgendered wedding photographer, I am exceptionally thankful and delighted that a plethora of LGBTQ+ couples have entrusted me to document their weddings, engagements, and affection stories.

Exhibiting the photos of these couples has garnered me additional LGBTQ+ nuptial bookings for the coming twelve months; I'm thrilled about it.

Teaming up with LGBTQ+ couples has constituted an extraordinary element of my business. I have been deliberate in exhibiting their imagery. Frequently, I receive remarks from individuals across all sexualities and genders, expressing their revitalization upon witnessing a wedding photographer's dedication to inclusivity - not solely within this domain, but encompassing other facets of diversity, as well.

Within this piece, I aimed to adopt a somewhat philosophical viewpoint regarding how I ensure couples identifying as LGBTQ+ experience feelings of safety, welcome, and validation. Moreover, I intend to delve into a portion of the history, underlying philosophy, and my individualized expedition.

Do my endeavors consistently attain perfection? No, although I am consistently assimilating knowledge and enhancing my capacity to pose conscientious inquiries while upholding boundaries.

How did my journey of shooting LGBTQ+ weddings & engagements commence?

Being a straight, cisgender wedding photographer, it was clear to me that I wanted to establish a wedding photography enterprise that championed both diversity and inclusivity.

William and Shawn represented one of the initial pairs I collaborated with back in two thousand seventeen. I had recently relocated to San Francisco from London. Another wedding professional connected us through their nearby community in San Rafael.

The pair graciously consented to a meeting with me. Given that I was merely commencing my journey, I furnished them with a complimentary engagement session. Naturally, my intention was to collaborate with the duo, craft portfolio pieces, and ensure I could devise something they would cherish.

Unbeknownst to me during that period, William and Shawn ultimately shaped the trajectory that my blossoming venture would embrace. A mere engagement session inaugurated a multitude of prospects.

For starters, the images piqued the interest of Equally Wed, the foremost LGBTQ+ wedding planning and educational hub in the United States (more on this later)! Consequently, a minimum of five additional articles were published, engendering an ongoing bond of reciprocal assistance with Kirsten, the co-editor.

Even now, large Instagram profiles persist in reposting photographs originating from this magnificent session.

Following the passage of a couple of years since the shoot, an LGBTQ+ couple conveyed to me during a consultation, "We aspire to collaborate with you on account of the fact that we perused your photos featuring the endearing African-American gentlemen."

As you might envision, this constitutes an impactful occurrence.

It proves incredibly humbling as a wedding photographer. In the absence of vigilance, one might become complacent regarding their craft. It prompts me to acknowledge the immensity of my indebtedness to the remarkable couples who have permitted me entry into their lives.

Abstaining from tokenism or fetishism while engaging with LGBTQ+ patrons

Thus, this discourse shall not solely entail self-congratulation. There exists a particular aspect that has consistently disconcerted me, and I sought to address it herein: The subject of tokenism… or should I advance further and designate it as fetishism?

Tokenism is characterized as:

Tokenism constitutes the undertaking of merely a superficial or emblematic endeavor to embrace inclusivity towards members of minority cohorts, notably through enlisting a meager quantity of individuals from underrepresented demographics to feign an impression of racial or sexual parity.

Furthermore, this piece on Youthcake elaborates extensively on the sensation of being fetishized as an LGBTQ+ individual.

I maintain extreme circumspection to preclude misinterpretation in this vein. Although discrimination remains rife within our sphere, LGBTQ+ weddings garner substantial favorable regard from the wedding sector. I cannot assert that this has evaded my cognizance.

Furthermore, I contemplated, were I to be gay, would I not discern the greatest comfort in patronizing another LGBTQ+-possessed establishment, thereby investing within my personal community? Am I depriving an individual more deserving of the prospect?

The impetus underpinning my documentation of LGBTQ+ affection stories

As someone self-identifying as straight and cisgendered, I wish to articulate with unmistakable clarity that my operations transpire beneath the banners of love, comprehension, and constructing connections. My dedication lies in showcasing couples conspicuously underrepresented in the prevalent wedding narrative.

Indeed, this formed one of the foundational principles whereupon I erected my enterprise.

Whether delineated by ethnicity, aptitude, age, gender identity, sexual preference, or any alternative attribute, my persistent aim has centered upon recounting the individualized narratives of each couple I collaborate with, transcending superficial adherence to minority-status quotas.

Indeed, it stems from my lack of membership within the LGBTQ+ collective that I have proactively endeavored to solicit inquiries and familiarize myself with those couples.

The fetishization of minorities, irrespective of their kind, profoundly repels me, and I earnestly aspire that my own methodology never emanates this vibe. As a member of a minority demographic (a person of color and an immigrant), I have certainly experienced the burden firsthand.

For this reason, I never presume to possess comprehensive insights into a couple's journey. I would refrain from conveying the notion that I possess 'exhaustive knowledge of gay weddings'.

Analogously to my approach with all couples, I engage with them precisely where they exist. I permit the pair to stipulate which subjects feel suitable for conversation and the degree of penetration into their intimate story they desire to grant me, if any.

Venturing Attempts to Connect with Trans Individuals Within Couples

Subsequent to William and Shawn, I endeavored to connect with a pair wherein one partner identified as trans. I dedicated a year to cultivating familiarity with Marissa and Nico, socializing at their abode, presenting them with a duo of engagement photography sessions, and ultimately attending their wedding picnic as a guest.

One of the stipulations I articulated upon meeting with them encompassed my capacity to inquire regarding their lives and their narrative. Nico, a transgender male, advocates for trans rights. Marissa identifies as a lesbian. From our initial encounter, it became patent that they delighted in imparting knowledge and inspiring with compassion, patience, and transparency.

Establishing connections with them represented yet another stepping stone along my individual trajectory.

Teaming up with a couple purely for enjoyment, absent the transactional essence of a photographer-client dynamic, furnished a rudimentary initial stride toward serving my prospective couples commendably.

Subsequent to engaging with that trans pair, I encountered another purely by happenstance during a Rising Tide Society Tuesdays Together gathering. Their remarkable narrative secured publication within Equally Wed.

Equally Wed Pro and their LGBTQ+ certified training course

Propel onward a few months, and I became aware of an opportunity via Equally Wed Pro. They inaugurated a scheme to facilitate acquisition of LGBTQ+-inclusive certified vendor status.

Kirsten, with whom I had cultivated a rapport, enthusiastically apprised me of her and her wife and co-editor Maria's blueprints for the course. Consequently, I enrolled in the program.

I could barely fathom the density of material encompassed within it - material that, frankly, I believed I had already grasped. Over the course of the program, I assimilated numerous noteworthy points. Behold merely a handful.

The terms &8216;gay&8217; and &8216;queer&8217; should not be used interchangeably

The term 'Queer' ought not to function synonymously with 'LGBTQ+', 'gay', or 'trans'. It symbolizes a distinct community with which certain LGBTQ+ individuals might identify, while others might not. Furthermore, numerous LGBTQ+ individuals harbor discomfort regarding straight individuals employing the term 'queer' whatsoever.

Not every trans individual is openly vocal regarding their status

Certain trans individuals opt to maintain discretion regarding their transness, and that constitutes their prerogative. I have assimilated the wisdom to abstain from pressing for minutiae or inferring interpretations should they elect not to introduce the topic. In addition, particular trans individuals self-identify as straight.

Trans individuals all traverse distinct journeys

I have assimilated the skill of refraining from presuppositions pertaining to surgical procedures, hormonal therapies, or any additional element perceived as 'anticipated'. These represent exceedingly sensitive subjects; thus, circumspection prevails in abstaining from inquiries concerning such intimately personal matters. Inquiries may evoke a sense of judgment.

Gender-neutral appellations for wedding party members

The notion that individuals composing the party should be designated contingent upon their affinity for the betrothed, as opposed to their gender identity, resonates deeply with me! Terms such as 'bridesman', 'man of honor', 'groomsmaid', or 'best woman' exude awkwardness and merely furnish fodder for jests. Moreover, they lack non-binary inclusiveness. Instead, I have assimilated the gender-neutral designation 'honor attendant'.

The individualized essence of marriage proposals

A segment of my 'getting acquainted with couples' framework entailed inquiries such as 'How did X propose?' and 'Why did that juncture appear propitious for proposing?', yet subsequent to attaining certification, a reassessment became imperative.

Not all proposals epitomize a romantic fairytale suffused with drama, intrigue, and audaciousness. Furthermore, not every pair desires to discuss it or experience a sense of inadequacy stemming from a casual discourse on the couch culminating in a mutual resolution to wed. Conceivably, a fragment of the rationale lay in 'the culmination of the annum and our inclination to jointly file our tax returns'. Indeed, this holds validity across couples of every sexual preference.

Specifically in the context of LGBTQ+ couples, I aspire to ascertain an efficacious method for inquiring about the potential occurrence of a dual proposal, devoid of insinuating a judgmental tone predicated upon the expectation thereof.

Prejudice still confronted by prospective spouses within the wedding sector

The prejudice endured by LGBTQ+ prospective spouses proved astonishing. We investigated illustrative instances during the course.

On occasion, the salesperson manifested such overbearing conduct that the customer deemed rectification unwarranted. It extends beyond instances wherein the baker declines the creation of your wedding confection; it encompasses the assumption that, owing to your female designation, your partner must be male. The vendor shall proceed upon this premise until you are compelled to rectify their perception.

The maintenance of inclusivity and supportiveness within my oeuvre and methodology remains pivotal to me, and Equally Wed has bolstered my capacity to sustain that degree of mindfulness and attentiveness toward my LGBTQ+ patrons.

Consequently, in aggregating all constituent elements, the totality of experiences amassed over the course of the past three years has propelled me to my present juncture.

Despite my periodic awkwardness, my ongoing pursuit of knowledge, my transgressions and remorse, my intermittent excessiveness regarding involvement within my clients' narratives… I present the ensuing proposition concerning the methodologies through which I genuinely assist and esteem my LGBTQ+ wedding couples.

The Manner in Which I Specifically Aid My LGBTQ+ Couples

Consequently, in uniting every component! The primary aspect meriting emphasis resides in the uniqueness of each couple. Whichever couple I collaborate with and irrespective of their self-identification, the preeminent imperative encompasses the preservation of their distinct narrative and vision at the forefront of consideration.

I posit that acknowledging the inevitability of occasional missteps remains acceptable. While I exert my utmost endeavors, business embodies a journey of continual learning, and life constitutes a trajectory of perpetual maturation.

By my very essence, I embody a personification of inquisitiveness. Nevertheless, I have encountered junctures within my entrepreneurial and personal existence wherein I have propounded an excessive quantity of inquiries, thereby prompting the other individual to perceive a transgression of boundaries. Unquestionably, a threshold exists wherein inquisitiveness may metamorphose into intrusiveness. Excessive familiarity (for which I, too, have incurred culpability) may provoke irritation. I harbor the inclination to maintain vigilance in this regard!

I occasionally experience apprehensiveness concerning the prospect of erring through the utterance of inappropriate remarks within the vicinity of my patrons - denominating someone 'he' or 'she' despite their preference for the pronoun 'they', or nonchalantly employing the salutation 'hey guys' when addressing a duo of lesbians.

However, the dread of misjudgment ought not to serve as a pretext for abstaining from my proactive participation within this expedition. Each occasion upon which I document a wedding holds the latent potential for a verbal faux pas or the inadvertent unsettling of an individual. Behold herein a selection of methodologies through which I accommodate LGBTQ+ patrons with specific precision.

Listen and learn

The crux centers upon attentive listening and continuous learning, with an unequivocal emphasis on ceding greater leadership to the couple in contrast to conventional pairs. I engender a domain wherein each couple may introduce subjects of pertinence to them in an organic manner.

Ask questions

It has come to my understanding that the respectful and courteous course of action entails soliciting each individual's preferred pronouns. Such an inquiry may instigate a broader dialogue concerning their self-identification and their degree of equanimity concerning designations such as 'bride', 'wife', and so forth.

Be enthusiastic and supportive

Whenever pairs establish contact with me, conveying that their wedding constitutes an LGBTQ+ celebration, I consistently ensure the provision of maximal exhilaration! Rather than offering the response 'that presents no impediment', I articulate the profound honor associated with consideration for participation in the celebration of their affection.

Don't take it for granted

The formalization of same-sex marriage remains comparatively nascent within the United States. Selected among my LGBTQ+ pairs, notably those of advanced age or originating from foreign nations, devoted substantial segments of their existence to the conviction that the entitlement to wed would remain eternally elusive. I acknowledge my participation in a celebration that the preponderance believed would never transpire; thus, mindfulness and gratitude are generally appreciated.

Leave assumptions at the door

I approach each consultation bereft of presuppositions to the maximal extent of my capabilities. Certain LGBTQ+ pairs aspire toward an exceedingly conventional wedding ceremony, whereas others categorically eschew all elements of convention. The preponderance, however, gravitate toward a synthesis thereof.

Use genderless posing

LGBTQ+ weddings subject photographers to rigorous assessment, given the infeasibility of recourse to time-tested posing methodologies: 'bride executes this action while groom executes that action'. Gender-neutral posing entails ushering pairs into commendable photographic configurations without casting prospective spouses into gender-defined roles. I am still actively engaged in the refinement of this skill, given its inherent intricacy. Should I garner additional familiarity therewith, I may compose a more thorough discourse pertaining to gender-neutral posing.

Observe the couple's natural interactions

Each couple manifests a distinctive mode of interaction, a truism applicable across the spectrum. Nevertheless, in the context of LGBTQ+ pairs, I exercise circumspection so as not to impel them toward engagement in activities evoking discomfort or inauthenticity. I derive my cues from their comportment, irrespective of whether they embody goofiness, solemnity, emotional demonstrativeness, or the converse.

Test the waters regarding PDA

I solicit each couple's preferences regarding the degree of public display of affection they deem acceptable, given the inherent vulnerability of the subject matter. Certain couples delight in permitting my leadership and posing them in accordance with my creative vision. Conversely, others may desire to maintain a secluded and formal wedding portrait session, devoid of copious kissing, snuggling, squeezing, et cetera.

Deal with mistakes graciously

Within the LGBTQ+ community, an ostensibly innocuous lapse in gendered nomenclature or the erroneous application of a hashtag commands significance. I exert my utmost endeavors to rectify instances wherein I articulate insensitive remarks or inadvertently append the tag 'queerlove' to an Instagram post, despite that not constituting the couple's self-identification.

Authenticity matters

I anticipate that the foregoing has obviated the necessity for reiteration; nevertheless, I would never countenance the posing of non-LGBTQ+ individuals in simulation of a genuine LGBTQ+ couple. Indeed, this constitutes one of my paramount pet peeves and a domain wherein I contend that the wedding sector bears extensive accountability. Yes, photographers have incurred censure for employing straight, cis models for 'same-sex styled shoots'. WHY?!

To fellow wedding vendors, in the absence of your personal advocacy for equality, the undertaking of an LGBTQ+ wedding project serves no purpose. Furthermore, kindly refrain from the employment of models lacking a genuine coupling! Ergo, rant concluded.

Steph Grant touched upon this topic in her conversation about LGBTQ+ wedding representation with other wedding vendors. If you want an excellent piece for further reading, read the thought-provoking article here.

Honor the differences but don't dwell on them

Each couple boasts uniqueness, and I fancy that I honor them on an individualized footing. Nevertheless, individuals are not delineated by their distinguishing attributes but, rather, by the cohesive forces uniting them. Ultimately, the underlying essence of a wedding ceremony remains constant irrespective of the prospective spouses' sexual inclination and gender identity.

To conclude&8230;

Ultimately, I aspire to contribute toward a more inclusive wedding domain. Within my craft, I showcase not solely LGBTQ+ couples, but, additionally, swirl couples, individuals of color, couples of advanced age or with pronounced age disparities, and any pair self-identifying as white, straight, or any alternative designation. I endeavor to abstain from excessive emphasis upon categorizations, and I would assiduously eschew the fetishization of such labels.

Nevertheless, I simultaneously acknowledge the immense pride evinced by numerous among my couples concerning their modes of self-identification, and their avidity that particular nomenclatures constitute a fragment of their narrative. Thus, the maintenance of equilibrium, an endeavor I will not invariably accomplish, proves critical.

It remains paramount to me that patrons apprehend my unwavering commitment to respect and equitable treatment upon enlisting my services. Photographing LGBTQ+ weddings mandates an incremental measure of sensitivity intermittently, and I acknowledge that this embodies a perpetual trajectory of learning and mentorship guided by my couples.

Zoe Larkin Photography stands as an equality-minded vendor that champions diversity, eschews hetero-normativity, and advocates for genuine marital parity.

Information about my wedding photography services.

Information about my San Francisco City Hall wedding photography.

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