Queer Devotion

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Content advisories: prejudice, maltreatment of minors, spiritual abuse, physical mistreatment

Natalie Naudus's work, "Gay the Pray Away," chronicles Valerie Danners's journey toward self-understanding and authentic living. Regrettably for Valerie, her innate sexual orientation is deemed utterly unacceptable by her devoutly conservative Christian community, presenting a potential conflict between her true self and her familial bonds.

I eagerly anticipated delving into this narrative. It masterfully intertwines two personal fascinations: sapphic individuals and tightly controlled religious organizations, succeeding admirably on both fronts. The burgeoning relationship between Riley and Valerie unfolds organically and is exceptionally endearing. I cherished their tender moments, where they shared their respective passions and experienced the carefree abandon of adolescence together. Their clandestine and improvised rendezvous are a highlight of the novel, even as an undercurrent of apprehension persistently courses through them. From the synopsis presented on the back cover, I anticipated the inevitable unveiling of truths.

This leads us to the book's shortcomings.

To begin with, the book's synopsis encapsulates a substantial portion of the plot. In a certain respect, this is difficult to circumvent; this particular story is character-centric, rather than being plot-driven. Perhaps many readers perceived the book as predictable. Possibly, this aspect holds little consequence. Given that the character's personal evolution forms the crux of this narrative, and considering the vibrantly hued, almost idyllic artwork adorning the cover, even readers with a modicum of narrative insight likely surmised the eventual conclusion. I do not intend this as a censure. A significant number of queer individuals desire positive resolutions, and rightly so.

Nevertheless, the character's initial viewpoint warrants thorough examination. This publication is ostensibly about Valerie's dismantling of her ingrained faith. I contend that this is evident through numerous scenes where she encounters novel information and experiences, juxtaposed against the backdrop of conservative Christian doctrines. This was the very narrative I desired and the reason I engaged with the book.

Unfortunately, this is not the story presented. From her initial introduction, Valerie does not adhere to those prescribed doctrines. She informs us at the outset of her disinterest in Bible study and her propensity for daydreaming during morning prayers. After discreetly borrowing a book on queer themes from the library, she retreats to her closet, which she has transformed into a personal sanctuary, to read it. Valerie voices her dissatisfaction with the restrictions governing her life almost from the very beginning. This is a source of my frustration, as it suggests an apprehension regarding the creation of missteps. It implies a concern, perhaps on the part of the author or editor, that Valerie might be perceived as unlikable if she harbors unconventional convictions. Yet, numerous individuals raised within rigid religious environments genuinely embrace the beliefs instilled in them, tenets that many of us would consider problematic—they essentially maintain the very convictions from which Valerie purports to detach herself. She is not engaging in deconstruction. One cannot dismantle something that has never been erected.

This constitutes my most significant critique of the novel. While I can overlook its narrative sparsity, and its foreseeable conclusion seems reasonable, the book's promotion as a story of deconstruction, and the instances where Valerie professes to hold beliefs that are then swiftly contradicted by what has been previously depicted, solely for the purpose of her transitioning her perspective? That caused me considerable irritation. The intended thematic core of the book aligns with a purpose entirely distinct from the one actualized herein.

"Gay the Pray Away" is by no means a deficient book. Should you seek a tender romance set against a backdrop of peril, this volume presents an outstanding selection. My dissatisfaction stems from its marketing strategy. This narrative does not focus on a young woman dissecting the damaging ideologies she has internalized; those specific scenes could have been excised without impacting the overarching story. My advice would be to approach it with informed expectations and maintain a realistic outlook.