Gay Numbers to Text

Every week, as an LGBTQ therapist, I invariably hear accounts of wounded sentiments and painful communication breakdowns emanating from the utilization of technology. It's evident that numerous companions and partners tend to convey private and difficult feelings through text messages and email.

Why is this?

Since it is less demanding. It's less intimidating to express a vulnerable truth when typing alone on one's display, versus staring into another person's face and seeing their reaction. We are less concerned about being assessed, and we circumvent their pained or uncomfortable eyes.

We feel most secure expressing ourselves when we're solitary, where no one can witness us.

When he does reply, we know he'll probably reply via technology. We'll be alone as we read, and he won't witness how vulnerable we appear. What a relief that we can once again hide.

Being a Man

Men aren't brought up to articulate their sensitive emotions. Young girls have more allowance to weep and declare, 'You wounded my sentiments.' If young boys attempted to process their sentiments, they could be ostracized from the playground for years. Truly, it makes absolutely no sense.

So, it's a leap for a man to muster his courage, take a deep inhale, and engage in something uncomfortable, like sharing a vulnerable feeling, in-person.

Why ought we devote the time to state it face-to-face, especially when we're so occupied?

Since these days, we are consistently inflicting harm upon each other, usually unintentionally, with our texts. Our companions are misconstruing what we are communicating since they lack the cues of your facial expression and intonation. According to the renowned research on this topic by Professor Albert Mehrabian:

Fifty-five percent of messages concerning feelings are in facial expression

Thirty-eight percent of messages pertaining to feelings are the way that words are voiced

Seven percent of messages concerning feelings are within the words themselves

In other words, ninety-three percent of communication is through your facial expression and tone of voice.

All of that is forfeited in a text or email. We only perceive the perceived slight and disregard the remainder. With so little data, we fill in blanks and presume the worst. This is human nature in action.

If you have sentiments to impart, do not text them. Refrain from emailing them. Be more courageous. Grab the phone and call, or reserve it for your subsequent face-to-face encounter.

Friends and partners are rare and invaluable, and they merit that level of attention. I apologize for being morbid, but relationships are the sole thing we will be reflecting upon during our final moments. They genuinely matter.

Technology Hangovers

Long ago, many of us discovered to avoid consuming an entire bag of Fritos if we wish to feel well. And we ascertained that after two servings of ice cream, the third serving isn't particularly delectable.

Or that two alcoholic beverages relax us, but five drinks bring on a headache the following day.

Most of us are now learning that a little technology is advantageous, but that more isn't necessarily better. Just like with drugs and alcohol, it's very simple to lose our mindfulness with technology and wind up with a technology hangover.

A technology hangover emerges when we acknowledge it's more challenging for us to concentrate. Or to listen to somebody for an extended duration. Or when our anxiety intensifies when we haven't checked our phones.

Gay men are often at the forefront of trends. And seeing as we spearheaded the leap into smartphones, I believe the amount of serenity we encounter in our lives has dwindled. Maybe we can guide the way back to more tranquility.

Is It Easy To Reduce?

No, it's not simple to transform habits. It takes lots of practice, accompanied by missteps along the way. But the ultimate reward, if we persevere? A life with a greater likelihood of experiencing joy.