Gay correspondence

The historical accounts presented herein are drawn from "Empty Without You," curated by Roger Streitmatter; "Eleanor Roosevelt, Reluctant First Lady," penned by Lorena Hickok; and Ken Burns' documentary series, "The Roosevelts."

Upon discovering Eleanor Roosevelt's sexual orientation during a university women's studies course—an revelation that profoundly impacted my then-closeted young mind—I embarked on an extensive exploration of Eleanor Roosevelt's personal life. This research encompassed her arranged political union with President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, her intimate circle of close confidantes who were, notably, all openly lesbian, and, most crucially, Lorena Hickok.

Lorena, known affectionately as 'Hick' by her associates, Eleanor included, achieved a pioneering feat by being the inaugural woman whose byline graced the front page of the esteemed New York Times. Exhibiting considerable journalistic prowess, she was both tenacious and astute, crafting narratives on sports and current events, and providing coverage for some of the nation's most significant political developments for the Associated Press during the late 1920s and early 1930s. By the year 1932, she had ascended to the status of the most accomplished female correspondent in the country. Furthermore, she engaged in romantic relationships with women.

Hick's entry into Eleanor's sphere occurred in September of 1928. At that juncture, Hick was covering FDR's campaign for the governorship of New York but intentionally steered clear of assignments focusing on Eleanor. This groundbreaking journalist had no desire to be relegated to chronicling the lives of politicians' spouses. She harbored the conviction that a narrative centered on the wife of the Democratic gubernatorial candidate for New York would likely never achieve front-page prominence. Although she continued to report on FDR's electoral pursuit and his subsequent term as governor, she deliberately avoided writing about Eleanor.

A shift in circumstances transpired in 1932. Eleanor had by this point emerged as a pivotal political strategist for her husband. Her role extended far beyond that of a mere political consort, a fact Hick readily perceived. She proposed to her editorial superiors the idea of assigning a dedicated reporter to the presidential candidate's wife, a novel concept at the time. This particular assignment ultimately fell to Kay Beebe, another journalist within the AP organization. However, that same year, Hickok conducted her inaugural formal interview with Eleanor, and an undeniable connection was forged. Typically maintaining impeccable professionalism, Hickok received a prescient directive from her editor: 'Maintain a professional distance from your subjects.'

Nevertheless, if the subject in question had any influence, Hick was not about to adhere strictly to that guideline. Eleanor increasingly singled out Hickok from among the assembled journalists, preferring to address her inquiries over those of others. She extended an invitation for Hick to travel with her in a private vehicle, and subsequently requested a one-on-one breakfast meeting in her hotel suite. Following FDR's electoral triumph, both Eleanor and Hick found themselves residing in New York and dedicating a substantial portion of their time to shared activities, which included attending concerts and theatrical performances, as well as engaging in late-night discussions about politics over dinner. Occasionally, Hick prepared meals, such as steaks, for them both within the confines of her modest one-room apartment in Midtown Manhattan. Their association, described by numerous historical accounts as a 'close friendship,' experienced considerable growth.

In the year 1978, the Franklin D. Roosevelt Library came into possession of eighteen boxes containing correspondence exchanged between Eleanor and Hick. Over the course of their thirty-year acquaintance, these two women exchanged nearly 4,000 letters. Following my concentrated study of Eleanor Roosevelt's queerness during my college years, I possessed a considerable understanding of Hick, but at that time, I was unaware of the sheer volume of their preserved correspondence, nor could I have anticipated the explicit and definitive nature of their relationship as revealed within their messages. It wasn't until a later period, specifically the autumn of 2014, while I was situated in my Los Angeles residence, engrossed in the complete fourteen-hour Ken Burns documentary "The Roosevelts" for professional reasons, that I first encountered a verbatim excerpt from one of Eleanor's letters to Lorena. Although it constituted a minor segment of the documentary, it profoundly resonated with me. Eleanor's communications to Hick were unequivocally clear, infused with passion, and conspicuously direct.

In 2016, I had the opportunity to read "Empty Without You," a compilation featuring over 300 letters exchanged between Eleanor and Lorena—predominantly during Eleanor Roosevelt's tenure as First Lady—accompanied by scholarly annotations from editor Rodger Streitmatter. This experience left me utterly astonished once again. Eleanor's declarations to Lorena transcended mere clarity, passion, and directness; they were visceral, imbued with sensuality, and, dare I say, oddly relatable? The letters do not present themselves as a clandestine lesbian romance obscured by layers of implication and veiled language. Instead, they evoke the sentiment of a contemporary love story.

I authored and published this compilation of letter excerpts in 2016, and it has since remained one of Autostraddle's most popular historical features. In the intervening years, a portrayal of Eleanor and Hick's relationship, starring Gillian Anderson, has graced the screen, contributing to a broader public awareness of Eleanor's non-heterosexual orientation than had previously existed.

It seemed opportune to reintroduce this collection to our homepage. While the majority of this introductory piece retains its original form from nearly a decade ago, I have excised certain elements that were particularly characteristic of 2016 (such as references to the television series Scandal and the musical Hamilton). Revisiting these letter excerpts proved to be a delightful endeavor, and for those encountering them for the first time, I sincerely hope you derive equal enjoyment!

And with that, I once again present a selection of the most romantically charged and overtly gay excerpts from the correspondence found within "Empty Without You." (Regrettably, some of the most explicit exchanges between Hick and Eleanor have been irretrievably lost, having been deliberately destroyed by Hick.)

This article was initially published in July of 2016.

1. Eleanor to Lorena, March 5, 1933

'My dearest Hick, I find myself unable to retire for the night without conveying my thoughts to you. I felt a distinct sense of a part of myself departing this evening; you have become so intrinsically woven into the fabric of my existence that its absence is palpable, even when my schedule is packed from dawn till dusk.'

The majority of Eleanor's initial correspondence to Hick during her time as First Lady adhered to a consistent pattern. They typically commenced with intimate sentiments addressed to Hick, followed by an exhaustive account of her daily activities, concluding with further affectionate remarks to Hick, often expressing her anticipation of their next meeting. Eleanor's meticulous daily recaps underscore her profound desire to keep Hick thoroughly informed of her every engagement.

2. Eleanor to Lorena, March 6, 1933

'My darling Hick, Oh! how gratifying it was to hear your voice; it proved utterly insufficient to convey the depth of its significance. Jimmy was present, and I was constrained from expressing the ‘je t'aime et je t'adore' that I so ardently desired to articulate, but please always remember that I am voicing these sentiments and that I fall asleep contemplating you, repeating our cherished phrase.'

Our cherished phrase. OUR CHERISHED PHRASE. For those unfamiliar with the French language, their private expression translates to 'I love you and I adore you.' Eleanor frequently engaged in telephone conversations with Hick and often alluded to these discussions in her written communications. Apparently, during this specific telephone exchange, she felt unable to openly express her affections due to the presence of Jimmy, her son. Nevertheless, she reiterated the sentiment as a comforting refrain as she prepared for sleep.

3. Eleanor to Lorena, March 7, 1933

'My darling Hick, Throughout the entire day, my thoughts have been occupied with you and the prospect of another birthday spent in your company. Yet, this evening, your voice seemed so distant and formal. Oh! how I yearn to embrace you; I ache to hold you near. The ring you gifted me provides immense solace; I gaze upon it and contemplate, ‘She truly loves me, otherwise, I wouldn't be wearing it!''

This letter was penned to Hick on the occasion of her 40th birthday. The two women were physically separated, and Eleanor was clearly experiencing considerable emotional distress. Her comments regarding Hick's perceived distance during their phone conversation suggest a degree of insecurity. Frequently within her correspondence, Eleanor would note if she had not received a letter from Lorena on a particular day. Experiencing radio silence felt considerably different back then!!! She also references a ring that Hick had bestowed upon her here, a token that serves as a reminder of Hick's affection whenever she beholds it. As an additional noteworthy detail, this same letter includes the question: 'What shall we read, Hick? You have the honor of choosing first.' Here, Eleanor is alluding to their shared practice of reading books concurrently and subsequently discussing their respective interpretations. THEY PARTICIPATED IN A TWO-PERSON BOOK CLUB. Furthermore, Eleanor graciously permits Hick to select the inaugural book, demonstrating her role as a considerate and generous partner.

4. Eleanor to Lorena, March 9, 1933

'Nearly all of my photographs are now displayed, and I have positioned yours in my private sitting room, allowing me to gaze upon it for the majority of my waking hours! As I am unable to physically embrace you, I bestow kisses upon your likeness each night and morning!'

I am vividly imagining Eleanor Roosevelt engaging in intimate behavior with an actual photograph.

5. Eleanor to Lorena, March 10, 1933

'Please remember this one fundamental truth: no individual occupies the unique place in my heart that you do. At this very moment, I would much rather be composing this message than engaging in any other activity. While I cherish many other people, and some can undoubtedly provide me with assistance that you might not be able to, I have never derived as much enjoyment from the company of another person as I do from yours.'

This particular passage from their correspondence is featured in the documentary series "The Roosevelts," and it was this excerpt that ignited my initial fascination with their letters.

6. Eleanor to Lorena, March 11, 1933

'I am experiencing a profound sense of missing you, my dear. The most pleasant part of my day is dedicated to writing to you. Although your circumstances appear more tempestuous than mine, I believe my longing for you is equally intense. The thought of you weeping yourself to sleep fills me with unbearable sadness. Oh! how I wished I could physically hold you in my arms instead of merely in spirit. I resorted to kissing your photograph instead, and tears welled in my eyes. Kindly retain a significant portion of your emotional investment in Washington, for the majority of my own is irrevocably with you!'

From Hick's letters and some of Eleanor's as well, it is evident that Hick grappled with episodes of anxiety and marked mood fluctuations. In this instance, E.R. suggests that her beloved is undergoing a particularly turbulent period during their extended separations. I can certainly relate to that experience, my friend.

7. Eleanor to Lorena, November 17, 1933

'My desire to see you is becoming increasingly intense.'

Both Eleanor and Lorena eagerly anticipated their reunion during the Christmas season. Throughout the latter part of autumn, their correspondence was characterized by an abundance of yearning for their upcoming meeting. This particular instance marks a moment when Eleanor's pronounced desire is candidly expressed within her writing.

8. Eleanor to Lorena, November 27, 1933

'My dearest one, so you believe that whispers circulate about us? Well, they must at least acknowledge that we withstand separation remarkably well! My disposition is consistently more optimistic than yours, perhaps because I place so little value on the opinions of ‘them'!'

Hick had apparently voiced concerns regarding the possibility of people gossiping about the unusually close relationship between herself and the First Lady, but Eleanor, it appears, was utterly indifferent to such speculation.

9. Eleanor to Lorena, November 29, 1933

'I truly wish you were able to join us for Thanksgiving; it would undoubtedly be a genuine Thanksgiving celebration, wouldn't it?'

A sentiment of longing colored by the Thanksgiving holiday!

10. Eleanor to Lorena, December 3, 1933

'My darling, I am filled with immense happiness as each passing day brings you closer. My affection for you is profound and tender, and oh! my greatest wish is for you to experience a joyous life. Admittedly, my selfishness compels me to desire that this joy be experienced in my proximity; however, neither of us would find true happiness otherwise, would we?'

In my entire existence, I have never encountered a more overtly affectionate sentiment.

11. Lorena to Eleanor, December 5, 1933

'Only eight more days remain. In twenty-four hours from this moment, it will be merely seven days—a full week! I've been endeavoring today to conjure your visage in my mind—to precisely recall your appearance. It's quite peculiar how even the most cherished countenance can gradually fade with the passage of time. What remains most vividly etched in my memory are your eyes, conveying a sort of playful smile, and the sensation of that tender spot located just northeast of the corner of your mouth against my lips. I find myself pondering our upcoming reunion—what exchanges might occur, what words might be spoken. In reflection, I feel a sense of pride in our accomplishments, do you not share this sentiment? I believe we have navigated this journey quite successfully.'

Hick demonstrates a remarkable familiarity with the specific contours of Eleanor's face… Furthermore, her explicit written account of kissing Eleanor on the mouth renders any skepticism regarding the physical dimension of their relationship utterly baseless. The compilation "Empty Without You" features a significantly smaller number of letters penned by Hick, primarily because the majority of her correspondence was intentionally destroyed. This is a regrettable loss, as her narrative style is considerably more captivating, and she also articulates her feelings about kissing with greater explicitness. Within that same letter, she states: 'Good night, my dear one. My heart's desire is to hold you in my arms and kiss you at the corner of your mouth. And in just over a week's time—I shall fulfill this wish!'

12. Eleanor to Lorena, December 9, 1933

'My dearest Hick, I am unable to ascertain whether my handwritten note, dispatched yesterday evening, will reach you! While I did not receive a letter from you today, I did receive two yesterday, so my current expression stems from longing rather than complaint!'

It is quite evident that in the nascent stages of her relationship with Hick, Eleanor Roosevelt exhibited a remarkable lack of restraint.

13. Eleanor to Lorena, February 4, 1934

'My darling Hick, I have just concluded a conversation with you, my darling, and it was exceptionally comforting to hear your voice. If only I could hold you in my arms. My dear, I too frequently experience feelings of rebellion; however, I recognize that the joy we derive from our time together surpasses any contentment we might find if we lived separately within the same city and could only convene for brief, infrequent intervals. Perhaps someday, fate will bestow its kindness and permit us to orchestrate a life more aligned with our desires. For the present, we are fortunate to possess what we do. My dearest, we find happiness in each other's company, and robust relationships necessitate the development of deep roots. We are cultivating these roots presently, and their growth is partly attributed to our separations; the foliage and the blossoms will surely emerge, I am confident of it.'

Despite the somewhat unconventional punctuation, this stands as one of Eleanor's most emotionally resonant passages addressed to Lorena. She posits that the inherent challenges of their long-distance relationship served to fortify it. Due to the extended periods of separation between Lorena and Eleanor, their time spent together was characterized by an unparalleled intensity and focus. They deliberately carved out dedicated moments for each other. Had they resided in the same vicinity, cohabitation would not have been feasible, thus the inherent imperfections of their situation paradoxically proved advantageous. Nonetheless, Eleanor harbored a longing for a more encompassing connection.

14. Eleanor to Lorena, February 4, 1934

'I approach the western journey with a sense of apprehension, and yet, I will be glad when Ellie can accompany you, although I anticipate that development with a degree of trepidation as well. However, I understand the necessity of gradually integrating into your established life and your social circle to prevent future barriers between us, a process that we may commence this summer. I shall perceive you as being terribly distant, which invariably leads to feelings of loneliness; but if your happiness is assured, I can endure this and find contentment myself. Love is a peculiar phenomenon; it inflicts pain, yet it offers far greater rewards in return!'

The individual referred to as 'Ellie' by Eleanor is Ellie Morse Dickinson, Lorena's former partner. Hick first encountered Ellie in 1918. Ellie, who was a couple of years older and hailed from a prosperous family, withdrew from her studies at Wellesley College to pursue a career at the Minneapolis Tribune. It was there that she met Hick, to whom she bestowed the rather peculiar nickname, 'Hickey Doodles.' They shared living quarters for eight years in a compact one-bedroom apartment. In this particular correspondence, Eleanor exhibits a remarkable degree of composure (or at least feigns it) regarding Lorena's impending excursion to the west coast, where she was slated to spend time with Ellie. Nevertheless, she does confess to experiencing a sense of dread concerning this arrangement. I surmise that Eleanor is employing the term 'queer' in its more archaic sense, signifying ‘unusual' or ‘peculiar.' However, I implore you to promptly create a T-shirt emblazoned with the phrase 'Love Is A Queer Thing.'

15. Eleanor to Lorena, February 12, 1934

'My dear one, I hold a profound and tender affection for you, and the prospect of our reunion in just a week's time fills me with immense joy. I struggle to articulate the sheer preciousness of every moment spent with you, both in recollection and in anticipation. As I compose this message, my gaze lingers upon your likeness—the photograph captures an expression that I deeply cherish, one that is both gentle and subtly whimsical, though, in truth, I adore every nuance of your demeanor. Bless you, my darling. With a universe of love, E.R.'

Eleanor frequently concluded her correspondence with the phrase 'a world of love.' Among her other recurring sign-offs were: 'always yours,' 'devotedly,' 'ever yours,' 'my dear, love to you,' 'a world of love to you & good night & God bless you ‘light of my life',' 'bless you & keep well & remember I love you,' 'my thoughts are always with you,' and 'a kiss to you.' Once again, she references the photograph of Hick that serves as her anchor, albeit an imperfect substitute for Lorena's physical presence. However, I have yet to reveal the most significant detail… this letter also contains a rare postscript from Eleanor that simply reads: 'And will you be my valentine?'

16. Eleanor to Lorena, March 26, 1934

'My darling Hick, I am convinced that the act of parting from you becomes increasingly difficult with each successive occasion, a testament to the deepening of our bond. It feels as though your presence is naturally suited to be near me; however, even if we were to cohabitate, periodic separations would inevitably occur. Presently, your contributions are of such immense value to the nation that we ought not to express discontent, although this does not diminish my longing for you or alleviate my feelings of solitude!'

Perhaps the most striking aspect of these letters is Eleanor's profound level of emotional candor. These missives reveal Eleanor in her most unguarded, most disheveled, and most intimate state. Her sincerity is unwavering.

17. Eleanor to Lorena, April 4, 1934

'My dearest, I find myself missing you dearly and wishing you were here. My strong desire is to enfold you in my arms and feel yours around me. An abundance of affection, surpassing my capacity to express it within the confines of this letter, is being transmitted to you on the currents of my thoughts.'

Can you fathom that certain historical texts continue to characterize their relationship as strictly professional and platonic?

18. Eleanor to Lorena, April 9, 1934

'This brief note serves solely to convey my enduring love for you.'

Direct and to the point!

19. Eleanor to Lorena, April 18, 1934

'My dearest one, I returned early and then proceeded to the 8:30 breakfast appointment, where I examined all the new furnishings. There is a particular corner cabinet that I ardently desire for our shared camp, cottage, or home - ultimately, what form of dwelling shall it be? My inclination has always been towards a rural setting, yet I do not believe we ever definitively settled on the specific type of residence or the accompanying furniture. It is highly probable that disagreements will be avoided!'

In this instance, Eleanor is indulging in fantasies about establishing a shared life with Hick. The furnishings she mentions are pieces from Val-Kill, a manufacturing facility she co-founded with her companions Caroline O'Day, along with Nancy Cook and Marion Dickerman, who maintained a long-term, intermittent romantic relationship for several decades.

20. Eleanor to Lorena, February 12, 1935

'May the world be filled with radiant sunshine,
And may our meetings be frequent,
Let hours of joy and tranquil moments,
Carry us through life's tumultuous seas.'

The accompanying poem was meticulously inscribed by Eleanor onto the reverse side of a Valentine's Day card intended for Hick. The card itself featured a depiction of a black and white puppy clutching a heart, upon which the inscription 'To My Valentine' was prominently displayed. The concluding line of the verse subtly alludes to the difficult period that Eleanor and Hick's relationship encountered in 1935, marked by a decline in the frequency of their correspondence and Hick's expressed disquietude concerning the First Lady's diminishing allocation of time for her. What a regrettable turn of events. The lesbian tension!

21. Eleanor to Lorena, January 14, 1936

'My dearest, my darling, you were feeling downcast, and I acknowledge that in some manner I caused you hurt, for which I am profoundly sorry. My only recourse is to affirm that my love for you is genuine.'

Indeed, the First Lady and her close companion were experiencing a gradual estrangement. The precise catalyst for the aforementioned apology remains unclear, but Eleanor dispatched the letter the day following a luncheon engagement she shared with Hick in New York City. It is evident that the occasion did not prove to be particularly harmonious.

22. Lorena to Eleanor, December 27, 1940

'Thank you once more, my dear, for all the kind thoughts and actions you extend. Furthermore, my affection for you surpasses that for any other individual in this world, with the sole exception of Prinz—who, incidentally, discovered your thoughtful gift on the window seat in the library on Sunday.'

Although their intimacy continued to wane—particularly as the Second World War intensified, compelling Eleanor to dedicate more attention to leadership and political matters and less to her personal life—Hick and Eleanor maintained their correspondence and continued to exchange Christmas gifts. Prinz, it should be noted, was Hick's canine companion, whom she cherished as if he were her own child. Eleanor's affection extended to him as well, evidenced by her purchasing a gift for him. How wonderfully gay!

23. Lorena to Eleanor, October 8, 1941

'I stand by the sentiment expressed in the telegram I dispatched to you earlier today—my pride in you grows with each passing year. I am acquainted with no other woman who could acquire proficiency in so many new skills after the age of fifty and execute them with such excellence as you possess, my love. Your inherent worth is far greater than you perhaps comprehend, my dear. Wishing you a joyous birthday, my dear, and I reiterate that you remain the person I love above all others in this world.'

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya holds the position of managing editor at Autostraddle and is a lesbian writer specializing in essays, fiction, and pop culture critique, currently residing in Orlando. Previously, she served as the managing editor for TriQuarterly, and her short narratives have been featured in publications such as McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, and Cake Zine, among others. Her contributions to pop culture commentary can be found in outlets like The A.V. Club, Vulture, and The Cut. When not engaged in writing, editing, or reading, she is likely participating in a game of tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram, and learn more about her professional endeavors via her website.

Kayla has contributed 1070 articles to our publication.