Am I Gay? wikihow

A query ignited my journey. During my final college year, a school-sponsored trip to South Africa, examining apartheid, beckoned. Dubbed a Global Outreach Retreat ("iGo"), brochures painted a picture of learning and bonding, a camp-like atmosphere. However, this mission trip became a revelation about my sexuality.

The application process was straightforward. I submitted a form, expressing a desire for personal growth, and promptly followed up with an interview. Soon, I received the news of my acceptance to the Cape Town contingent, and five months later, I found myself on a plane to Africa. Unexpectedly, a "straight" woman, captivated by Hailey Kiyoko music videos, discovered a remarkably queer group. Nearly half my cohort embraced the LGBTQIA+ moniker. ('The alphabet mafia,' they playfully quipped.) Their openness inspired me, a sense of belonging apparent. I, however, interpreted the "A" as "Ally."

Daily, we engaged with local guides, exploring historical sites and meeting community leaders. After our appointed missions concluded, we had freedom. One particular evening, after our mission heads were in repose, a group of friends and I conceived a game, 'Who Are You Truly?'—a game played in the darkness. Young, unfamiliar individuals, embarked on a vulnerable exchange, asking each other probing questions like, "Were your childhood years joyful?" and "What frightens you most?"—a rite of youth and unspoken truths.

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My turn arrived, and I posed a query that had haunted me throughout the trip: "How did you discover your homosexuality?" Silence. Blank stares. Clearly, my question was inappropriate. Erinn, the most self-assured among us, met my gaze, her expression one of sarcastic contempt. "How did you identify as heterosexual?" she countered.

Bingo, I thought. She had me there.

Unsure, I remained silent. Quietly, a new question sparked the conversation, and the evening passed with various disclosures. Amid the sharing, I focused on controlling my rapid heartbeat. Meanwhile, Erinn's unwavering gaze remained fixed on me.

A crucial element of my personality: tenacity, diligence, and a touch of defiance. There was no way I'd permit someone on this mission trip to question my sexuality. I'd face this challenge alone. Indeed, I had been navigating this internal conflict independently. At the time, I was 87 percent certain of my heterosexuality. Yes, there were moments of doubt. I found women alluring - but in a respectful, artistic way. My past relationships aligned perfectly with my perceived identity. Yet, this was not enough conviction. To solidify my certainty, I required irrefutable evidence! I demanded empirical data.

So, I turned to the internet.

No technology, no questionnaire, no algorithm can confirm what you inherently know.

A couple weeks after returning from Cape Town, the question of self-identification still echoed in my mind. As night fell, I revisited "Who Are You Really?" My phone in hand, I typed three simple words:

Am I gay???

At the top of the search results? A wikiHow quiz. Specifically, the "Am I Gay?" quiz. A headline announcing, 'Am I Gay? Uncover your identity.' The quiz that likely had guided countless others before embracing their true identities. Throughout its 18-year history, the "Am I Gay?" quiz has become a rite of passage for many. Its wisdom, however, was limited. (The quiz has since updated, now crafted by an LGBTQ+ expert.) No AI, questionnaire, or algorithm can reveal what you intrinsically understand.

Nevertheless, this wikiHow quiz provided an unexpected insight. The home page welcomed me with encouragement. "How do you determine your homosexuality?" it asked. "There is a spectrum of romantic and sexual orientations, and each person ultimately chooses their label. Navigating these complex questions can be difficult, but we provide a quiz to explore your feelings and discover your truths." Thank you, wikiHow!

Next, I navigated through 12 questions. Prompts like, "Have you ever felt attraction to a friend of the same sex?" and "Have I ever kissed or desired to kiss someone of the same sex?" flashed across the screen. I answered each with a degree of dishonesty.

(By the way: Recently, I queried my companions. Had they ever engaged in this quiz? And more importantly, had they answered truthfully? "I definitely lied," one revealed. "I took it multiple times," confessed another. My girlfriend even tried to outsmart the system. 'We've all been there," she confided. "I too engaged in deception.")

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Ultimately, the quiz provided the response I secretly anticipated. According to wikiHow's judgment, I was... "likely heterosexual." No cause for worry. Looking back, I respect the quiz's ambiguity. wikiHow understood my inner conflict, and my own awareness. While the quiz sought to provide a factual assessment, its reliability was akin to consulting a Magic 8-Ball for future predictions. You could modify your answers and replay the quiz repeatedly, until you felt comfortable and decided for yourself. It took three years for me to arrive at that resolution.

Ultimately, Erinn and I became close. She never inquired further about my sexuality, yet she was one of my staunchest supporters when I came out. Despite geographical distances—I settled in New York, she embarked on a nomadic adventure post-graduation—we remain in touch, exchanging postcards about her global adventures.

She, too, is well-versed in the "Am I Gay?" quiz. When I asked my friends about their wikiHow experiences, she responded promptly.

Taking the quiz is a clear indicator of uncertainty, perhaps even doubt.